"In these times I don't, in a manner of speaking, know what I want; perhaps I don't want what I know and I want what I don't know."
Elise Russo. 22. Trance.
I just wanted to say thank you all so much for making this a wonderful roleplay and I love each and every one of you. You are are extraordinarily talented writers and I can honestly say I will miss all of you very much. I am leaving because I’ve been hired as a camp counselor this summer and I’ll be gone for five weeks with no internet access or anything, so I wouldn’t be able to get on at all. This has been so much fun, and should the rolplay be alive and well when I get back, I definitely plan to re-join you!
<3
xoxo
Jensen
I don’t think you’ll believe me when I say I’m a different person when I’m angry, but I am.
But I wasn’t supposed to be anything. I thought I was better than them but it turns out I’m not. I’m probably worse than them.
I just thought that….after we talked about Joyce…
I thought that you were okay. I just wish you would have, I don’t know, mentioned it to me. I mean…how you were feeling. You can talk to me about these things, Neil. I thought you knew that.
You aren’t worse than them.
(Source: e-russo)
ooc; I don’t think he would go to Teagan, but I know Teagan would be right there when she realizes Elise has left. Because she’s just a bitch like that.
ooc: Heeeeeeell, she was there even when Elise was xD
ooc: oooh elise will be so so so so so mad you have no idea omgomgooc; Elise is better off without Neil TBH. At least until he gets his stuff together, but until then - he can be with Teagan. I want Neilise to work out - but Neil does not deserve someone as good as Elise right now.
ooc: Meanwhile Elise can get drunk and not give any fucks about anything. I agree with you, though. If he goes straight to Teagan the chances of Neilise again are like…ZERO. xD
Well maybe you should have thought about it!
What you did…it makes you no better than them. You were supposed to be the better person!
SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW
PLEASE I’M SO LOST
s
dfbngjasbo FGsef
Oh, by the way, you guys…we might have to kill Elise off in a super fanfreakingtastic scary terrifying way because I’ve just been hired to work at a summer camp and I won’t have access to a computer for five weeks straight.
He heard her voice a moment later, and he turned around, where the source came from. A small smile stretched over his face, and he picked up his pace so he could get to her faster. It only took a moment for him to get to the doorknob, and he wasted no time pulling it open. “Hey.” he said, his eyes reflecting his own smile. Shutting the door behind him, he moved closer to her and kissed her on the cheek.
Then he looked down, and saw the books, sprawled out on the table. He blinked once before it dawned on him that he might have been interrupting. “Oh, sorry..” he muttered. “What are you reading?” he asked. For a moment he thought that it might have been one of the books that Joyce loaned to her, and jealousy flared up inside of him. It quickly faded, though, or he at least pushed it away, and slid into a chair next to her. Looking at her carefully, his face crinkled in concern. “Are you, okay?” he asked her, moving his hand up to her back and rubbing small circles as a way to calm her, if she needed it.
His eyes flickered to the books again, and upon reading just a few words, he realized that it was a history book. One of the books he had already read on one of his many trips to the library.. One that held no information about Trance. “Why are you reading that?” he asked, his voice hiding his own concern, and trying to make it seem like mere curiosity. He didn’t want to pressure her, so he would let her tell him what she was doing on his own. “Sudden interest for history?” he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice, though it was a bit forced.
“Hi.” She murmured in reply as he pressed his lips gently to her cheek. She looked up at him then, noticing the confusion on his face as his eyes turned to the books and papers spread out across the desk. “Uh…books.” Elise wasn’t sure yet if she should tell him, because with everything going wrong it was hard for her not to think about it. He, however, seemed able to remain at least marginally happy whilst she brooded away about the problems of Trance. She didn’t want to ruin that for him, and maybe it was selfish— she found her only happiness in him, and when he wasn’t happy she had very little to go on.
As he sunk down into the chair next to her she reached over to close one of the books, her fingers lingering on the hardcover for a fraction of a second before she dropped her hand into her lap and breathed a quiet sigh. “Okay?” She repeated as his hand moved to her back. The small, rhythmic circles were soothing in a way and she found soon that she had lost her trail of thought. For a minute or so she just looked at him blankly, then she remembered where the conversation had been going. “Okay. Right, yes. I’m okay…just tired is all.” She admitted, following his gaze back to the desk for a second before looking back at him.
What he had asked her was something she didn’t quite know how to answer him. There was the truth, which she was still somewhat reluctant to voice because she didn’t exactly know how to put it into words. “We just…uh…know so little about…Trance…” she began, trailing off when she had no idea what to say. He seemed to be relaxed, merely curious, and even amused at her actions. “You know…”
The light of the setting sun gleamed through the window, and like he did almost everyday, Neil watched as it slowly faded to darkness. Those few minutes of absolute still-Elise was usually in another room- were his chance at peace. He sighed contentedly, his hands clasped together lightly. It was calm, yes, but.. different. More… lonely. He sighed again, though not as content as before. He moved toward the window, staring at the sun as it burned fiery orange and red.
He thought of Joyce. Of all people, him. He couldn’t help it, although he hated that he was in his head. He had apologized, so why did he still think about him as often as he did before, when there was still a pang of guilt associated with his image? Aggravated, he rubbed his eyes, moving his hands up through his hair, practically pulling it out by the roots. “Dammit..” he muttered under his breath. Turning away angrily, he walked from the window back to the couch.
Did he really move on? Did that girl.. Amber.. really pull his thoughts away from Elise? It was hard to explain, but he almost was unhappy with it. He didn’t want Joyce in love with Elise, no. But he didn’t want him to have moved on, because then the violence.. the beatings.. they meant nothing anymore. True, the probably never meant anything at all, but it was never so clear to him anymore.
In an attempt to clear his head, he stood once again. “Elise?” he called, moving through the house quietly, in search for her.
Time had passed since the fight, since Neil admitted to severely beating Joyce, since Elise had forced herself not to give up. But then time always passed, no matter what, and you could never do anything to stop it. It was untouchable, as was the government of Trance. Of late there had been more strict rules placed upon the citizens, and Elise had been unsettled by the whispers on the streets and the proclamations of a mysterious man that called himself Gabriel, who claimed that he spoke for the government.
She had been in the study, developing a headache as a result of the furious reading she had been doing for the majority of the afternoon. The corners of her lips turned down in a frown as she pressed her fingers against her temples and tried to massage away the awful pain that wracked her mind. In her increasingly fervent explorations of the library, she had come to the realization that there were no history books about Trance at all. This simple fact had disturbed her, had twisted her brain into thinking the worst of it, and had given birth to ideas which she desperately wished to dispose of.
Then she heard his voice, calling out her name from somewhere down the hall, and she sighed softly and blinked several times repeatedly to clear her eyes. It occurred to her then that perhaps the reason her eyes hurt so badly after reading was because she needed glasses. It had never been brought to her attention before, but now it seemed entirely reasonable. The last thing she wanted to do, however, was visit any government-run place other than the library and the grocery store— and only those because she felt she had to. “In the study.” She replied, loud enough so that he would hear her though the closed door.
“…And just when I could walk.”
I’m sorry, Joyce.
